Zašto engleski navijač nije imao problema da uđe u svlačionicu? Na vratima je stajao Robert Green!
Where other men blindly follow the truth, remember - nothing is true. Where other men are limited by morality or law, remember - everything is permitted. We work in the dark to serve the light. We are assassins! Nothing is true, everything is permitted.
Pase krava na livadi i gleda nju s druge livade bik, a livade su odvojene žičanom ogradom. I ide bik, preskoči ogradu i dođe do krave. Kaže njemu krava: - Ja sam krava muzara, nadimak mi Guzara. A bik će: - Ja sam bik Rudonja, a nadimak mi ostao na onoj ogradi.
Došao mladić kod djevojčinih roditelja da je zaprosi, ali otac ni da čuje, nego ga bijesno izbacuje iz kuće. - "Dobro, dobro!", gunđa nesuđeni mladoženja izlazeći, "Za devet mjeseci ćete me moliti."
- Dođe Mujo iz Njemačke i da Fati mobitel koji je tamo kupio. - Ovo je mobitel - objasni on njoj - sad ću ja izać van i kad on zazvoni javi se! Ode on u kupaonicu i nazove Fatu, a Fata se javi: - Halo? - Hajde mala dođi malo kod mene da pročavrljamo - reče Mujo preko linije, a Fata odgovori: - Ne mogu, vratila se ona moja budala iz Njemačke!
Vratio se Mujo pijan kući i pokušava otključati vrata, ali mu ne ide. Čuje to Fata, dođe pred vrata i otključa mu ih, pa mu reče: - Mujo, pa što ti to radiš? - Otključavam vrata - odgovori Mujo. - Sa cigaretom pokušavaš otključati vrata? - čudi se Fata. - Pa čuj - odgovori Mujo - ako je ovo cigareta, onda sam ja ključ popušio.
Izašla majka sa sinom i usput sretne svoju jako lijepu i zgodnu prijateljicu. Majka: - “Sine, poljubi tetu.” - “Ne mama!” - “Čuješ, poljubi tetu. Ne budi nepristojan!” - “Rekao sam NE, MAMA!” - “A zašto je nećeš poljubiti?” - “Zato što je tata jučer pokušao i dobio šamar!”
Original ad: LARGE CRIB WANTED I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net
From Me to ********@verizon.net:
Hey Julia,
I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.
Thanks,
Mike
From Julia ******** to Me:
How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?
From Me to Julia ********:
Julia,
It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:
I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.
I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.
It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.
I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.
Thanks,
Mike
From Julia ******** to Me:
Oh my god
From Julia ******** to Me:
Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?
From Me to Julia ********:
Julia,
Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.
Mike
From Julia ******** to Me:
I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.
From Me to Julia ********:
Julia,
I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:
Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!
Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.
Original ad: LARGE CRIB WANTED I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net
From Me to ********@verizon.net:
Hey Julia,
I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.
Thanks,
Mike
From Julia ******** to Me:
How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?
From Me to Julia ********:
Julia,
It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:
I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.
I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.
It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.
I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.
Thanks,
Mike
From Julia ******** to Me:
Oh my god
From Julia ******** to Me:
Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?
From Me to Julia ********:
Julia,
Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.
Mike
From Julia ******** to Me:
I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.
From Me to Julia ********:
Julia,
I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:
Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!
Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.
Pita učiteljica u školi tko zna brojati od 7 do 10. Javlja se Perica: - “Znam ja, znam ja!” Učiteljica: - “Hajde Perice.” Perica: - “7, 8, 9, 10.” Učiteljica: - “Dobro, Perice. A znaš li kako ide dalje?” Perica: - “Kako da ne. Dečko, baba, kralj i as.”
Pita učiteljica u školi tko zna brojati od 7 do 10. Javlja se Perica: - “Znam ja, znam ja!” Učiteljica: - “Hajde Perice.” Perica: - “7, 8, 9, 10.” Učiteljica: - “Dobro, Perice. A znaš li kako ide dalje?” Perica: - “Kako da ne. Dečko, baba, kralj i as.”
VICEVI !!!
Posted - 20/06/2010 : 23:35:27
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