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acestroke
stripovi.com suradnik
USA
11652 Posts
Member since 16/04/2009 |
 Posted - 03/07/2010 : 16:31:59
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quote:
Originally posted by Darth Ivan
Kako natjerati ženu da u završnom dijelu seksualnog akta vrišti?
Obrišeš si kurac o zavjesu.
ova je dobra, podsjeca me na onaj Americki, CRNA (SICK JOKE):
How do you make a little girl cry twice?
You wipe your bloody dick off her Teddy bear.
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http://www.acestroke.blogspot.com |
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wele
Advanced Member
Montenegro
3727 Posts
Member since 21/12/2009 |
Posted - 04/07/2010 : 00:53:43
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Marge: There's a man here who thinks he can help you.
Homer: Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist? |
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Darth Ivan
Advanced Member
Croatia
7978 Posts
Member since 21/03/2010 |
Posted - 05/07/2010 : 00:34:59
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Mujo i Haso idu autostopom do mora, i zaustave se njima neke djevojke i pristanu da ih do tamo dovezu. Voze se oni neko vrijeme, i djevojke im predlože u šumarku pokraj ceste malo seksa. Zaustave se oni, ali prije nego što su krenuli sa spolnim odnosom, djevojke, da bi se zaštitile od trudnoće, daju Muji i Hasi kondome da ih stave na svoje alatke.
Jednog jesenjeg dana rade Mujo i Haso u polju. Posao dosadan, muhe gnjave, nervozni jedan i drugi. Mujo nakon duže muke kaže:
- Haso moj, ja više ne mogu! Ja ću taj balon skinut s kurca, pa nek ona zatrudni.
Sjedi nekoliko ljudi na terasi u nekom sarajevskom kafiću, a kad do njih odjednom dođe Mujo na motoru i viče:
- Ima li ko ovaki kawasaki?
I zatim produži dalje.
Dođe zatim Mujo nakon nekoliko minuta opet do kafića, ponovi istu izjavu i odveze se dalje. Ponovilo se to još nekoliko puta, i jedan čovjek nije mogao to više slušati. Kad je opet došao Mujo i pitao "Ima li ko ovaki kawasaki?", čovjek mu je odgovorio:
- Imam ga ja kod kuće!
Mjo će na to s olakšanjem:
- A znaš li kako se to čudo ustavlja?
Što se dobije kad se kamion pun krumpira zabije u vrtić?
Musaka! |
"Nothing lasts forever." |
Edited by - Darth Ivan on 05/07/2010 00:36:31 |
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Poli
Advanced Member
Slovenia
38106 Posts
Member since 26/10/2007 |
Posted - 05/07/2010 : 09:10:40
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quote:
Originally posted by Darth Ivan
Što se dobije kad se kamion pun krumpira zabije u vrtić?
Musaka!
Uf, zajeban... radim u vrticu. |
Anything is possible dec d uej
Be the Change You Want to See
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manhunter
Moderator
Switzerland
25331 Posts
Member since 17/09/2004 |
Posted - 05/07/2010 : 19:35:43
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quote:
Originally posted by acestroke
ova je dobra, podsjeca me na onaj Americki, CRNA (SICK JOKE):
How do you make a little girl cry twice?
You wipe your bloody dick off her Teddy bear.
Kome je ovo smešno je zaslužio da mu se taj isti "dick" odseče i nabije u usta.
Tebe sam već upozorio paziš šta postavljaš, neke granice treba postoje. Sledeći put nema upozorenja. |
I am legion. I do not forget. I do not forgive.
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acestroke
stripovi.com suradnik
USA
11652 Posts
Member since 16/04/2009 |
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manhunter
Moderator
Switzerland
25331 Posts
Member since 17/09/2004 |
Posted - 06/07/2010 : 15:06:21
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quote:
Originally posted by acestroke
quote:
Originally posted by manhunter
Kome je ovo smešno je zaslužio da mu se taj isti "dick" odseče i nabije u usta.
ovo je stvarno vulgarno
Jel??? Sorry dude, i didn't meant to be rude.
Pogotovo kad vidim kako ti paziš na svaku reč. |
I am legion. I do not forget. I do not forgive.
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acestroke
stripovi.com suradnik
USA
11652 Posts
Member since 16/04/2009 |
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Lucy Liu
Average Member
.jpg)
Croatia
706 Posts
Member since 14/09/2007 |
Posted - 07/07/2010 : 01:33:36
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Evo što dobijemo kad ne možemo više stavljati viceve koji moderatorima smetaju:
Bile dvije profesorice u školi.Jedna pita,druga kremšnita.
I odjednom topic umre... |
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Darth Ivan
Advanced Member
Croatia
7978 Posts
Member since 21/03/2010 |
Posted - 08/07/2010 : 00:34:01
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kad smo kod viceva s igrama riječi...
idu dva vuka šumom. jedan zavija, drugi odvija.
jedna svijeća gori, druga doli.
dvije su žene u bolnici. jedna rađa, druga kukoč.
dva prijatelja sjede na klupi. jedan se češka drugi se poljska.
kiša lijeva a povremeno i desna.
idem zamijeniti cipele s petom za jedne sa šestom.
u autobusu stoje dva čovjeka. jedan uzRUJAN a drugi uzKOLOVOZ.
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"Nothing lasts forever." |
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acestroke
stripovi.com suradnik
USA
11652 Posts
Member since 16/04/2009 |
Posted - 08/07/2010 : 02:38:13
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quote:
Originally posted by Darth Ivan
kad smo kod viceva s igrama riječi...
idu dva vuka šumom. jedan zavija, drugi odvija.
jedna svijeća gori, druga doli.
dvije su žene u bolnici. jedna rađa, druga kukoč.
dva prijatelja sjede na klupi. jedan se češka drugi se poljska.
kiša lijeva a povremeno i desna.
idem zamijeniti cipele s petom za jedne sa šestom.
u autobusu stoje dva čovjeka. jedan uzRUJAN a drugi uzKOLOVOZ.
Welcome back, Darth Ivan (iako bi ja radije da ti je povratak bio sa boljim vicem)  |
http://www.acestroke.blogspot.com |
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Risar_69
Advanced Member
Slovenia
11679 Posts
Member since 05/05/2008 |
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Poli
Advanced Member
Slovenia
38106 Posts
Member since 26/10/2007 |
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Darth Ivan
Advanced Member
Croatia
7978 Posts
Member since 21/03/2010 |
Posted - 08/07/2010 : 16:42:24
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sjetio sam se još jednog.
Uđe mali Dado trčeći u stan i kaže mami:
- Mama, znaš, ja sam ti se sad vraćao iz škole i prolazio sam pored jedne šume i tamo sam vidio naš auto. Vidio sam da je tata unutra, pa sam otišao do tamo da se s njim pozdravim.
- I jesi se pozdravio?
- Nisam - kaže Dado - nego sam vidio kako je tata u autu s tetom Martinom, onom s trećeg kata, skinuo joj je suknju, pa onda i gaće, i znaš...
- Nemoj mi ništa više reći - kaže mu mama - sve ćeš ispričati navečer, kad tata bude doma.
I tako oni te večeri sjedaju za stol, a Dado nestrpljivo čekao, a na mamin nagovor počne pričati:
-...I znaš mama, onda joj je tata skinul suknju, i gaće, pa su počeli delati ono...ne znam kak se to zove...ono što ste neki dan, mama, delali ti i susjed Joža kad je tata bio na službenom putu. |
"Nothing lasts forever." |
Edited by - Darth Ivan on 08/07/2010 16:44:14 |
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1Euro
Advanced Member
12494 Posts
Member since 17/07/2008 |
Posted - 08/07/2010 : 17:34:29
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Treca smijena
Haso dosao Muji u bolnicu Mujo lezi sav rasturen, napola u komi.
Pita Haso:"Sta je bolan bilo, Mujo?"
"Iso sam hvatat ribu." - kaze Mujo
Cudi se Haso: "Ma kako bolan Haso tako polomljen od hvatanja ribe?"
"Vako:" kaze Mujo - "da ne vadim gliste golim rukama uzmem dvije
zice, spojim
na bateriju, gurnem zice u zemlju i - izlaze gliste. Kontas?"
"Dobro, neka gliste, sta onda?" zanima Hasu
"Kad sam ja to vidio, spojim dvije vece zice na akumulator, gurnem
zice u
zemlju, kad vidim - izlaze krtice!"
"Ma odakle si sav izlupan, covjece?" ne odustaje Haso
"Pa, kad sam vidio krtice, bacim dvije jake, debele zice preko
dalekovoda i
gurnem u zemlju"
"I onda?" pita Haso
"Ma jebo im ti mater glupu" - kaze Mujo, "Izadje cijela treca smjena
iz rudnika Zenica i razbiju me ko picku .."
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Zlotvor
Advanced Member
7094 Posts
Member since 03/02/2010 |
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Ultras
Advanced Member
.jpg)
Serbia
10048 Posts
Member since 17/10/2008 |
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Lucy Liu
Average Member
Croatia
706 Posts
Member since 14/09/2007 |
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feka82
Senior Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
2647 Posts
Member since 03/01/2008 |
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feka82
Senior Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
2647 Posts
Member since 03/01/2008 |
Posted - 09/07/2010 : 10:14:27
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Umrla Fata i Muji jave ...
Mujo pita jarane šta će sada da radi , kažu mu jarani stavi oglas u novine ...
I tako on ode u novinsku redakciju da dadne oglas u novine ...
Stavlja Mujo oglas u novine i pita ga urednik šta će jos staviti pored " umrla je Fata "
kaže Mujo : stavi da prodajem golfa , 85 godište
:) |
feka |
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Darth Ivan
Advanced Member
Croatia
7978 Posts
Member since 21/03/2010 |
Posted - 10/07/2010 : 01:30:03
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Ulovio Mujo zlatnog kita, a ovaj mu reče:
- Pusti me na slobodu, ispunit ću ti tri želje!
- Ma zajebi ti to - odgovori Mujo - ideš sad sa mnom u zlatarnu!
Krenu skupina lovaca u lov, a Mujo i Haso, s obzirom da poznaju lovište kao svoj džep, bili su im vodiči. Hodaju oni četiri kilometra i stignu na lovište, i napadne ih medvjed.
- Bježimo natrag u hotel - vikne Mujo i dade se u bijeg zajedno s ostalim lovcima, a medvjed krene za njima. Pretrčaše oni jedan kilometar, a jedan lovac reče:
- Ljudi, zašto mi uopće bježimo? Idemo samo uzeti puške i ubiti medvjeda!
- Šuti i bježi! - vikne Mujo u trku.
Pretrčaše oni još jedan kilometar, a medvjed i dalje trči za njima. Jedan lovac nije mogao više trčati, pa uzme pušku, nanišani i ubije medvjeda. Lovci se zaustave, a Mujo se obrecnu na čovjeka:
- Eto ti, budaletino jedna, a još smo trebali samo dva kilometra trčati do hotela! Sad ćeš ti nosit medvjeda! |
"Nothing lasts forever." |
Edited by - Darth Ivan on 10/07/2010 01:31:07 |
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velka031
Advanced Member
.jpg)
Croatia
17018 Posts
Member since 18/03/2010 |
Posted - 10/07/2010 : 16:42:13
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quote:
Originally posted by 1Euro
Treca smijena
Haso dosao Muji u bolnicu Mujo lezi sav rasturen, napola u komi.
Pita Haso:"Sta je bolan bilo, Mujo?"
"Iso sam hvatat ribu." - kaze Mujo
Cudi se Haso: "Ma kako bolan Haso tako polomljen od hvatanja ribe?"
"Vako:" kaze Mujo - "da ne vadim gliste golim rukama uzmem dvije
zice, spojim
na bateriju, gurnem zice u zemlju i - izlaze gliste. Kontas?"
"Dobro, neka gliste, sta onda?" zanima Hasu
"Kad sam ja to vidio, spojim dvije vece zice na akumulator, gurnem
zice u
zemlju, kad vidim - izlaze krtice!"
"Ma odakle si sav izlupan, covjece?" ne odustaje Haso
"Pa, kad sam vidio krtice, bacim dvije jake, debele zice preko
dalekovoda i
gurnem u zemlju"
"I onda?" pita Haso
"Ma jebo im ti mater glupu" - kaze Mujo, "Izadje cijela treca smjena
iz rudnika Zenica i razbiju me ko picku .."
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YNWA
Average Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
903 Posts
Member since 17/10/2002 |
Posted - 11/07/2010 : 11:13:20
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Here's a personal ad from Craig's List:
Beautiful Young Woman Seeks Wealthy Husband
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200-250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics-bars, restaurants, gyms -What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings -Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810
-------------------------
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.
Your offer, from the perspective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity... in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump." I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
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acestroke
stripovi.com suradnik
USA
11652 Posts
Member since 16/04/2009 |
Posted - 11/07/2010 : 13:20:43
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quote:
Originally posted by YNWA
Here's a personal ad from Craig's List:
Beautiful Young Woman Seeks Wealthy Husband
Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200-250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?
Here are my questions specifically:
- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics-bars, restaurants, gyms -What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings -Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?
- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?
- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY
Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810
-------------------------
THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.
Your offer, from the perspective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity... in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!
So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!
So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.
Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.
By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.
With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump." I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.
Odlicno!
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http://www.acestroke.blogspot.com |
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REJS
Senior Member
Serbia
2891 Posts
Member since 17/03/2008 |
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VICEVI !!!
