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hello
Senior Member
Croatia
2731 Posts
Member since 14/07/2006 |
 Posted - 24/07/2009 : 10:08:53
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Ante Tomić za Jutarnji list:
Kako je Vlada, nakon dugog, a na trenutke i mučnog razgovora došla do konačnog rješenja - krizni porez treba biti tri posto
Mogli bi nekako... što ja znam... Mogli bi igrati loto, predložila je premijerka.
“Ne bi nam bilo dosta”, rekao je ministar financija umorno.
“Da dobijemo na lotu, ne bi bilo dosta da nadoknadimo manjak u državnom proračunu?” zaprepastila se Kosor.
Ivan Šuker obeshrabrujuće joj je odmahnuo glavom.
“Ni sedmicu da izvučemo?”
“Jadranka, majke ti, šuti!” kazao je Polančec iznervirano.
Turobna tišina na nekoliko časaka spustila se na veliku konferencijsku dvoranu u Banskim dvorima.
“Porez”, šapnuo je nakon nekog vremena Kalmeta zamišljeno. “Moramo s porezom.”
“Pet posto”, bubnuo je Milinović.
“Pet posto”, složio se Pankretić.
“Osam”, javio se Šuker drsko.
“Zašto osam?” začudio se Pankretić.
“Osam je više nego pet”, objasnio je ministar financija razumno, a premijerka ga je zadivljeno pogledala.
“Vidiš, nikad nisam o tome razmišljala”, rekla je ona, “ali sad kad si to spomenuo, da znaš da ima logike.”
“Puno je osam posto”, zavapio je Polančec. “Pobunit će se narod. Bolje je pet.”
“Ili tri”, predložio je Kalmeta odvažno.
“Ih! Tri!” zavikao je Šuker nezadovoljno. “Pa šta ćeš s tri posto?”
“A da nešto prodamo?” sjetila se u taj tren Kosor i ozarila se zbog vlastite zamisli. “Nešto što nam ne treba lijepo prodamo i...”
“Neku nekretninu?” prekinuo ju je Polančec.
“Pa da”, složila se premijerka.“Na primjer tebe”, rekao je ministar gospodarstva i na to su se svi nasmiješili, osim Kosor, koja baš nije shvatila šalu.
“Ljudi, nemojmo se sad zajebavat”, javio se ponovno ministar financija. “Valja nam izglasat porez. Ja sam za osam posto, tko je za moj prijedlog neka...”
“Ivane, puno je osam”, rekao je Pankretić. “Daj pet.”
“Ili tri!” ustrajao je Kalmeta.
“Tri nije dovoljno!” prasnuo je Šuker.
“Ja mislim da ne bi smio biti cijeli broj”, javila se Đurđa Adlešič, koja je sve dotad šutjela. “Uvjerljivije bi bilo da stavimo pet zarez šest ili sedam cijelih pedeset osam, ili tako nešto.”
“O čemu ti pričaš?” pogledao ju je zapanjeno ministar gospodarstva.
“Čisto psihološki”, rekla je potpredsjednica Vlade. “Ako stavimo tako neki broj s decimalom, činit će se da smo pažljivo izračunali. Narod će misliti da znamo što radimo.”
“Narod ne misli”, upozorio ju je Pankretić.
“Ali će se isto pobunit ako pretjeramo”, dodao je Polančec. “Tko je za pet posto neka...”
“Ja sam za tri”, rekao je još jednom Kalmeta.
“Tri je ništa.”
“Baš zato”, pojasnio je ministar mora, prometa i infrastrukture.
“I treba izgledati kao ništa, beznačajno. Ako uzmeš tri posto, nikome se neće činiti da si mu puno uzeo.”
“To je istina”, složio se Polančec.
Tri posto je bezvezarija, nastavio je Kalmeta učeno. “Nitko se ne osvrće na tri posto. Znaš kako se ono kaže: ‘Ne jebem te ni tri posto’.”
“Tako je”, složio se Pankretić.
“Nikad nisam čula tu uzrečicu”, priznala je Kosor.
“Nikad nisi čula: ‘Ne jebem te ni tri posto?’” upitao je Polančec.
“Ne”, kazala je premijerka.
“Pa evo”, rekao je ministar gospodarstva, “sad ti ja to mogu reći.”
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www.izdavanje-knjiga-dani.hr
www.vangogh.hr |
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supermark
stripovi.com suradnik
(1).jpg)
Croatia
29655 Posts
Member since 06/02/2007 |
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alen
Advanced Member
Croatia
4621 Posts
Member since 14/02/2005 |
Posted - 24/07/2009 : 11:02:29
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quote:
Originally posted by supermark
ovo je transkrpit razgovora 
satiru na stranu, ali 90% sam siguran da je to tako izgledalo  |
itsyourworldyoucanchangeit |
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broj jedan
Junior Member
Croatia
325 Posts
Member since 13/07/2009 |
Posted - 24/07/2009 : 11:14:54
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Perice, koje je nacionalnosti Djed Mraz?
Sjeverni Poljak! |
Bolje živjeti sto godina kao bogataš nego sedam dana u bijedi! |
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Poli
Advanced Member
Slovenia
38181 Posts
Member since 26/10/2007 |
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morrison
Advanced Member
Serbia
5142 Posts
Member since 29/01/2008 |
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Mac
Average Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
576 Posts
Member since 28/09/2008 |
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panzer
Advanced Member
12774 Posts
Member since 18/05/2005 |
Posted - 31/07/2009 : 16:19:50
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Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Desktop.”
Customer: “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote click’.”
Santa is a System Administrator?
Consider:
1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.
2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal.
3. Santa seldom answers your mail.
4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he’s got, he says, “Elves make it for me.”
5. Santa doesn’t care about your deadlines.
6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves.
7. Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.
8. Santa laughs entirely too much.
9. Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your HOME.
10. Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence. |
Ich bin kein Mensch, ich bin kein Tier, ich bin ein Panzer-Grenadier! |
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Mac
Average Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
576 Posts
Member since 28/09/2008 |
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broj jedan
Junior Member
Croatia
325 Posts
Member since 13/07/2009 |
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Risar_69
Advanced Member
Slovenia
11679 Posts
Member since 05/05/2008 |
Posted - 07/08/2009 : 00:34:40
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Johnny Hart
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Kad pocneš crtati, uvek moraš imati na kraju olovke, srce, ruku i misli! |
Edited by - Risar_69 on 07/08/2009 00:38:28 |
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idado
Advanced Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
4057 Posts
Member since 30/11/2004 |
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Opti
stripovi.com suradnik
Vatican City
4533 Posts
Member since 06/07/2009 |
Posted - 11/08/2009 : 21:11:48
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Evo još nečega:
http://www.forum.hr/showthread.php?t=404193
Za one kojima se ne da prelistavati sve stranice,evo skraćene verzije:
Amerikanac koji voli sakupljati oružje je dobio pušku s naljepnicom šampona od jabuke iz bivše Jugoslavije,pa se koristi Google translatorom kako bi o tome ispitivao djevojke sa kozmetičkog foruma.
Slikica:
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Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübert ragungsgesetz!! |
Edited by - Opti on 11/08/2009 21:16:44 |
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Risar_69
Advanced Member
Slovenia
11679 Posts
Member since 05/05/2008 |
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idado
Advanced Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
4057 Posts
Member since 30/11/2004 |
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Opti
stripovi.com suradnik
Vatican City
4533 Posts
Member since 06/07/2009 |
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Opti
stripovi.com suradnik
Vatican City
4533 Posts
Member since 06/07/2009 |
Posted - 11/08/2009 : 22:38:59
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Pita učiteljica Ivicu:
-Ivice,što je to herojstvo?
-To je kad nekome spasite život.
-Izvrsno,Ivice,a jesi li i ti kome spasio život?
-Jesam,bebi svoje sestre.
-A kako?
-Sakrio sam sestrine antibaby pilule.
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Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübert ragungsgesetz!! |
Edited by - Opti on 11/08/2009 22:39:28 |
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Opti
stripovi.com suradnik
Vatican City
4533 Posts
Member since 06/07/2009 |
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Risar_69
Advanced Member
Slovenia
11679 Posts
Member since 05/05/2008 |
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Opti
stripovi.com suradnik
Vatican City
4533 Posts
Member since 06/07/2009 |
Posted - 13/08/2009 : 19:31:26
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-Tata,tata,što je to pijanac?
-To ti je čovjek koji umjesto one dvije letve vidi njih četiri.
-Ali,tata,tamo je samo jedna letva. |
Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübert ragungsgesetz!! |
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panzer
Advanced Member
12774 Posts
Member since 18/05/2005 |
Posted - 14/08/2009 : 17:06:25
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A very loud, fat, greasy, unattractive, chav type woman wearing a Newcastle United top walked into ASDA in Sunderland with her two umpalumpa kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, “Good morning Madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?”
The ugly fat woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Whye na, they're not twins yer twat. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the ‘ell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick, stupid or just a cheese eater?”
“I’m neither blind nor stupid, Madam,” replied the greeter. “I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.” |
Ich bin kein Mensch, ich bin kein Tier, ich bin ein Panzer-Grenadier! |
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seinfeld
Advanced Member
16500 Posts
Member since 04/11/2001 |
Posted - 14/08/2009 : 18:11:04
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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says,
"Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer,
"So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies,
"Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators,
and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies,
"What???? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says,
"No way. I like having a engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says,
"Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs uproariously and answers,
"Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?" |
"I'm not saying I'm Batman. I'm just saying nobody has ever seen me and Batman in a room together." |
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Risar_69
Advanced Member
Slovenia
11679 Posts
Member since 05/05/2008 |
Posted - 14/08/2009 : 22:18:20
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Malo pasjih fotka
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Kad pocneš crtati, uvek moraš imati na kraju olovke, srce, ruku i misli! |
Edited by - Risar_69 on 14/08/2009 22:23:00 |
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Risar_69
Advanced Member
Slovenia
11679 Posts
Member since 05/05/2008 |
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Opti
stripovi.com suradnik
Vatican City
4533 Posts
Member since 06/07/2009 |
Posted - 14/08/2009 : 22:33:34
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A evo i što se meni zadnjih dva tjedna dešava s youtubeom...Bit će da ga je netko hakirao...
Da,ovo je prava snimka... |
Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübert ragungsgesetz!! |
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VICEVI !!!
