| Author |
 Topic  |
|
risbozg
Advanced Member
Croatia
15909 Posts
Member since 10/08/2003 |
|
|
TORQUE
Senior Member
Croatia
2781 Posts
Member since 27/04/2005 |
 Posted - 08/10/2006 : 19:31:35
|
quote:
Originally posted by jack 50
Preselio se Huso u novu zgradu i jednog dana krenuo Mujo da ga posjeti. Na prvom katu Mujo ugleda čovjeka koji tuče glavom o zid, on se začudi te nastavi dalje. Na drugom katu dvoje mladih vode ljubav, a Mujo sa čuđenjem produži dalje. Na trećem katu stoje muškarac i žena goli, žena drži njega za jaja, a sebe za sisu, a muškarac sebe za spolovilo i u drugoj ruci kišobran. Na četvrtom katu stanovao je Huso. Kad Mujo dođe kod Huse reče mu: -Sve je u redu ali jesu li normalni ovi što zive u tvojoj zgradi? A Huso će: -Ma onaj na prvom katu je malo skrenuo u ratu pa ..., oni na drugom su mladi bračni par pa žele pokazati svima da se znaju je*ati... Mujo: -Ma dobro i to, ali ono na trećem, to mi nije jasno! Huso: -Aha, ma to su ti dvoje gluhonijemi - ona njemu kaže - hajde kupi jaja i mlijeka, a on njoj - hoću kurac, vani pada kiša!
Dobar..
Keep on living, loving
Waiting your turn
It's the only way to
Ease your concern
If you want to find
Your dream, be sure
You don't wake up too soon
Or you'll find it easier
Shooting for the moon
|
 |
|
|
jack 50
Senior Member
.jpg)
Croatia
1557 Posts
Member since 14/04/2006 |
Posted - 09/10/2006 : 00:28:00
|
Uđe žena sa ružnim dijetetom u kupe, a dijete je bilo toliko ružno
(mali Škegro) da su svi sa zgražanjem izišli van.
Uto dolazi Mujo i sjeda nasuprot žene i pita: "Šta je šta plačeš?
Jl' te šta boli, jesi l' gladan, jesi l' žedan, 'oče majmun bananu? |
|
|
|
Boyan.P
Senior Member
Croatia
2773 Posts
Member since 13/06/2004 |
Posted - 17/10/2006 : 14:46:58
|
Wally wanted to have sex with a girl
in his office.....but she
belonged to someone else...One day Wally got so frustrated that
he
went up to her and said I'll give you a $1000 if you let me make
love to you....but the girl said NO.
Wally said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you
bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She thought
for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast,
he won't even be able to get his pants down.
So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and
the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after
45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened......
She said "The bastard used coins"
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its
entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
strip je zakon |
|
|
|
Vjeko1980
Advanced Member
5649 Posts
Member since 24/08/2006 |
Posted - 17/10/2006 : 15:03:44
|
Tata, tata zašto baka tetura po dvorištu??
Šuti sine i dodaj mi još jedan metak!!
Bolje imat pet dobrih prijatelja nego jednog neprijatelja |
|
|
|
ned_lynx
Senior Member
2340 Posts
Member since 06/08/2005 |
Posted - 18/10/2006 : 10:37:56
|
How To Wash Your Cat
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up.
3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape.) The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash" and "rinse", which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, The Dog |
|
|
|
Boyan.P
Senior Member
Croatia
2773 Posts
Member since 13/06/2004 |
Posted - 23/10/2006 : 14:05:51
|
>>>> > > THE LEGLESS PARROT
>>>> > >
>>>> > > A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot
>>>> > > sitting on a little perch.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says
>>>> > > aloud; "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"
>>>> > >
>>>> > > The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective
>>>> > > parrot."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually understood
>>>> > > and answered me!"
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a
>>>> > > highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do
>>>> > > you hang on to your perch without any feet?"
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing
>>>> > > but since you asked, I wrap my willie around this
>>>> > > wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it
>>>> > > because of my feathers."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and
>>>> > > speak English, can't you!?"
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can
>>>> > > converse with reasonable competence on almost any
>>>> > > topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy.
>>>> > > I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought
>>>> > > to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just
>>>> > > can't afford that."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the
>>>> > > truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet.
>>>> > > You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an
>>>> > > offer!"
>>>> > >
>>>> > > The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
>>>> > > Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great
>>>> > > sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he
>>>> > > understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's
>>>> > > insightful.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from
>>>> > > work and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions
>>>> > > him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell
>>>> > > you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted
>>>> > > him at the door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him
>>>> > > passionately."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "THEN what happened?"
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted
>>>> > > up her nighty and began petting her all over" reported
>>>> > > the parrot.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees
>>>> > > and began to lick her all over, starting with her
>>>> > > breasts and slowly going down..."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT
>>>> > > HAPPENED?"
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
strip je zakon |
|
|
|
alanmaras
Advanced Member
.jpg)
Croatia
3787 Posts
Member since 06/03/2005 |
Posted - 24/10/2006 : 12:28:38
|
nije vic ali dobro izgleda
"I sat before the wise man in the autumn of my youth, and I told him all the things I had to know.
He said you have the future if you need to find the truth, and in his eyes I saw that it was so." |
|
|
|
DeeCay
stripovi.com suradnik
Croatia
21661 Posts
Member since 24/09/2002 |
Posted - 24/10/2006 : 12:40:28
|
Mladić stoji u redu u supermarketu kad spazi zanosnu plavušu iza njega
kako mu maše i smije se.
Iznenadio se da mu maše takva ljepotica, i iako mu se odnekud činila
poznatom, nije imao pojma odakle, pa je upita: "Oprostite, mi se znamo?"
Ona mu odgovori: "Možda se varam, ali mislim da ste vi otac jednog mojeg
djeteta!"
Film mu se odvrti unatrag na zgodu kad je jedan jedini put bio nevjeran:
Rekao je: "Bože, jeste vi striptizeta s moje momačke večeri, koju sam pred
svim kompićima ševio na biljarskom stolu, dok me je vaša frendica mlatila
po guzi mokrim celerom i gurala mi krastavac u supak?"
Ne - odgovori ona. ....Ja vašem sinu predajem engleski.
Kad nas vidiš, ne bi rekao da možemo stvarati svjetove, zar ne? |
|
|
|
DeeCay
stripovi.com suradnik
Croatia
21661 Posts
Member since 24/09/2002 |
Posted - 24/10/2006 : 12:41:10
|
Matura
Srednja ugostiteljska skola
Hasan Bojcicevic 4.a
Predmet: Strani jezik, Pismeni zadatak iz njemackog jezika
Partizanen
Nacht. Regen gehen. Zwei Partizanen gehen skroz suma. Nicht gehen sondern plazen se pazljivo und lomen keine Grancica auf den podn.
Schwaben sleden Partizanen. Schwaben haben Pesen und gute Schnellschiesgewehr. Pesen snofen auf den Podn und sleden Partizanen. Partizanen kommen do Kukuruzen. Kukuruzen gut fur schlafen und Partizanen umorni ko Majka.
Partizanen malo horen okoli was desaven und dann in Kukuruzen zaschlafen. Das nicht gut fur Partizanen aber gut fur Schwaben.
Kuku lele Partizanen! Schwaben kommen do Kukuruzen.
Pesen divje snofen und Schwaben gut wissen wo Partizanen in Kukuruzen schlafen. Partizanen i dalje schlafen ko Majka und ni slucajno ne hören Schwaben plazen prema njima. Odjedamput eine Kukuruzen poken unten Schwaben und Partizanen se odmah wecken. Sie zgraben Schisgewehr aber Schwaben Schnellschisgewehr viel besser. Schwaben ofen feuer direkt po Partizanen und Partizanen auch beginnen verderben neprijateljsku lebener silu i tehnicka materialna sredstava.
Aber Schwaben pobeden. Partizanen oblezalen in Kukuruzen.
Partizanen nicht gut. Partizanen kaput.
Ne znate njemacki? Mozda vam pomogne ovaj mali izvod iz rjecnika.
Legend:
nacht = noc, regen = kisa, gehen = ici, zwei = dva, nicht = ne, sondern = vec, und = i, keine = nijedan, auf = na, haben = imati, schnell = brzo, shiessgewehr = puska, kommen = doci, gut = dobro, fur = za, schlafen = spavati, dann = tada, was = sta, aber = ali, wissen = znati, wo = gdje, hören = cuti, eine = jedan, unten = dolje, wecken = probuditi, sie = oni, viel = mnogo, besser = bolje, ofen = pec, feuer = vatra, auch =takodje, beginnen = otpoceti, verderben = propast, leben = zivot
Kad nas vidiš, ne bi rekao da možemo stvarati svjetove, zar ne? |
|
|
|
risbozg
Advanced Member
Croatia
15909 Posts
Member since 10/08/2003 |
|
|
tantus
Senior Member
Slovenia
1651 Posts
Member since 10/09/2003 |
Posted - 27/10/2006 : 11:13:48
|
Radila plavusa kao policajka i dobije menstruaciju u pola posla, a pošto nije smela da napusti radno mesto, nazove u stanicu i zatraži zamenu, tek posle tri sata stiže kolega da je zameni ali mrtav pijan. Ona ga upita:
. Pa čoveče, što si pijan?
. Joj ćuti, kad si ti rekla da si dobila menstruaciju prvo je šef naručio turu, pa zamenik šefa, pa nacelnik, pa sekretar, pa Pera, Mića, Rade...
grupa za scanlation: groups.google.com/group/bdskenovi |
|
|
|
DeeCay
stripovi.com suradnik
Croatia
21661 Posts
Member since 24/09/2002 |
Posted - 27/10/2006 : 12:57:28
|
Tantuse, ovaj vic dobio sam ujutro na mail na posao... Izgleda da cijeli svijet dobiva iste mailove sa vicevima
Kad nas vidiš, ne bi rekao da možemo stvarati svjetove, zar ne? |
|
|
|
danijel
New Member
Croatia
143 Posts
Member since 12/08/2004 |
|
|
jack 50
Senior Member
Croatia
1557 Posts
Member since 14/04/2006 |
Posted - 27/10/2006 : 23:21:53
|
Nadletili ameri nad vijetnamsko selo s helikopterima i mitraljeiraju po svemu što se kreće.
Ljudi bježe i vrište, a ovi deru odozgo po njima.
I tako jedna trudnica dobila rafal preko trbuha. Tri metka. Poslje je u selo ušla pješadija, odvela trudnicu u bolnicu i tamo je skrpala.
Nakon nekog vremena ona rodi troje zdrave djece: dvije curice i jednog dečka.
I tako prošlo pet godina, kad odjednom dotrči jedna od curica sva izvan sebe i u suzama:
- Mama, mama, jer znaš šta se desilo?-
- Ma neznam kćeri...
- Dok sam piškila, ispao mi metak iz pi*ke!
- Ma nije to ništa, utješi je majka i ispriča joj priču kletom agresoru.
I prođe još pet godina , kad li odjedom dotrči druga curica i plače:
- Mama, mama, znaš šta se desilo !??
- Znam kćeri.., dok si piškila ispo' ti je metak iz pipice, nije to ništa, dešava se to, znaš to su oni prokleti Amerikanci.., - i ispriča joj cijelu priču.
I prođe još, pet godina i sad su svi imali oko petnaest, kad evo ti dječaka blijedog i izvan sebe:
- Mama mama, jer znaš šta se desilo?
- Znam sine dok si piškio ispao ti je metak iz pimpeka..
- Ne nego dok sam drkao ubio sam dedu!
|
Edited by - jack 50 on 15/11/2006 00:27:43 |
|
|
|
Boyan.P
Senior Member
Croatia
2773 Posts
Member since 13/06/2004 |
|
|
risbozg
Advanced Member
Croatia
15909 Posts
Member since 10/08/2003 |
|
|
Boyan.P
Senior Member
Croatia
2773 Posts
Member since 13/06/2004 |
Posted - 29/10/2006 : 13:42:04
|
I Penis Requesting A Raise
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
a.. I do physical labor
b.. I work at great depths
c.. I plunge headfirst into everything I do
d.. I do not get weekends or holidays off
e.. I work in a damp environment
f.. I work in a damp workplace that has poor ventilation
g.. I work in high temperatures
h.. My work exsposes me to contagious diseases
Sincerely,
The Penis
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you raised, the administration ejects your request at this time for the following reasons.
a.. You do not work eight hours straight
b.. You fall asleep after brief work periods
c.. You do not always follow orders of the management team
d.. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen in other locations
e.. You do not take initiative
f.. You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start work
g.. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
h.. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as protective clothing
i.. You will retire before you are 65
j.. You are unable to work double shifts
k.. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned tasks
And if that were not enough, you are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
strip je zakon |
|
|
|
jack 50
Senior Member
Croatia
1557 Posts
Member since 14/04/2006 |
Posted - 15/11/2006 : 00:27:51
|
U jednom gradu policija uhvatila sve prostitutke, i kako nije bilo dovoljno mjesta u postaji, stavilo ih u kolonu ispred ulaza. Prolazi baba i pita jednu curu iz kolone šta se događa. Ona će na to "Hm, ... ovaj, dijele se naranče." I stane baka u red. Kad je došla na red, inspektor, sav zgrožen pita: "Gospođo, zar i vi?", a ona će "Je, je, sinko, ja skinem zube pa cuclam!"
|
|
|
|
Vjeko1980
Advanced Member
5649 Posts
Member since 24/08/2006 |
|
|
Boyan.P
Senior Member
Croatia
2773 Posts
Member since 13/06/2004 |
|
|
Daniel
Advanced Member
Croatia
4084 Posts
Member since 03/07/2004 |
Posted - 15/11/2006 : 22:02:57
|
quote:
Originally posted by Vjeko1980
A kako murjak hvata zeca?!
Fućka poput mrkve! :))
Bolje imat pet dobrih prijatelja nego jednog neprijatelja
A kako peca ribe?
Upeca jednu pa ju tuče dok ne kaže gdje su ostale. :)) |
|
|
|
alanmaras
Advanced Member
Croatia
3787 Posts
Member since 06/03/2005 |
Posted - 16/11/2006 : 15:25:47
|
Četiri odlična kineska vica a ovaj drugi je za krepat
"I sat before the wise man in the autumn of my youth, and I told him all the things I had to know.
He said you have the future if you need to find the truth, and in his eyes I saw that it was so." |
Edited by - alanmaras on 16/11/2006 15:27:21 |
|
|
|
Boyan.P
Senior Member
Croatia
2773 Posts
Member since 13/06/2004 |
|
|
jasa
Advanced Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
3490 Posts
Member since 26/08/2005 |
|
|
Topic |
|
|
|
VICEVI !!!
--ak ti je slaba pamet moraš imat jaka leđa --