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panzer
Advanced Member
12775 Posts
Member since 18/05/2005 |
 Posted - 01/07/2009 : 08:59:57
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A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog
pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll
stay with you for a week". The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts
the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give
you great sex for a week". The programmer nods and puts the frog back
in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you
great sex for a whole year!". The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you
great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss
a frog?" "I'm a programmer," he replies. "I don't have time for
sex.... But a talking frog is pretty neat." |
Ich bin kein Mensch, ich bin kein Tier, ich bin ein Panzer-Grenadier! |
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panzer
Advanced Member
12775 Posts
Member since 18/05/2005 |
Posted - 01/07/2009 : 09:01:49
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From "American Demographics" magazine:
Here's a look at how shrewd American business people translate their slogans into foreign languages:
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."
Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."
When Vicks first introduce its cough drops on the german market, they were chagrined to learn that the german pronunciation of "v" is f - which in german is the gutteral equivalent of "sexual penetration."
Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in german is a colloquial term for a whorehouse. The English weren't too fond of the name either, as it's a highly derogatory term for a non-heterosexual.
The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No va" means "it doesn't go" in Spanish.
When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave."
When Coca-Cola first shipped to China, they named the product something that when pronounced sounded like "Coca-Cola." The only problem was that the characters used meant "Bite the wax tadpole." They later changed to a set of characters that mean "Happiness in the mouth."
A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.
When Gerber first started selling baby food in africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what's inside since most people can't read. |
Ich bin kein Mensch, ich bin kein Tier, ich bin ein Panzer-Grenadier! |
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panzer
Advanced Member
12775 Posts
Member since 18/05/2005 |
Posted - 01/07/2009 : 09:02:24
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The Top 11 Things People Think The 95 In Windows95 Really Stands For
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11. The percentage that will be complete on the shipping date.
10. The number of floppies it will ship on.
9. The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.
8. The number of megabytes of hard disk space required.
7. The number of pages in the *EASY-INSTALL* version of the manual.
6. The percentage of existing windows programs that won't run in the new
OS.
5. The number of minutes to install.
4. The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run.
3. The number of people who will actually PAY for the upgrade.
2. The number of MHz required for the OS to run.
And now the #1 thing people think the 95 in Windows95 really stands for..
(Drum roll please...)
1. The year it was *DUE* to ship. |
Ich bin kein Mensch, ich bin kein Tier, ich bin ein Panzer-Grenadier! |
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panzer
Advanced Member
12775 Posts
Member since 18/05/2005 |
Posted - 02/07/2009 : 07:53:06
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Girls night out
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
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Ich bin kein Mensch, ich bin kein Tier, ich bin ein Panzer-Grenadier! |
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Naruto
Junior Member
Croatia
329 Posts
Member since 09/02/2009 |
Posted - 02/07/2009 : 09:52:54
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I sad deda ide da priča priču kako su ih nijemci postrojali .
I onda su nijmemci rekli draga djeco il čemo vas streljat il jebat.
I sad djete upita-Djedo a šta su tebe?
Brže bolje če djed-stRELJALI SU ME!! |
Belive it!!!!!!! |
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Naruto
Junior Member
Croatia
329 Posts
Member since 09/02/2009 |
Posted - 02/07/2009 : 09:53:45
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još jen vic:
18-godisnja djevojka se povjeri majci i kaže joj da
joj menstruacija kasni već dva mjeseca. Vrlo
zabrinuta majka odlazi u ljekarnu kupiti test za
trudnoću i rezultat pokazuje da je trudna. Viče,
proklinje, plače...kuku-lele!
- "Tko je ta svinja, želim znati! Smjesta reci ocu!"
Kad je napokon ostala sama, djevojka obavi telefonski
razgovor i pola sata kasnije nov-novcati Ferrari se
zaustavi ispred njihove kuće. Iz njega izlazi zreo
gospodin, obučen u vrlo skupo odijelo i ulazi u kuću.
Sjeda u dnevnom boravku s roditeljima i djevojkom i
kaže im:
- "Dobar dan, vaša me kći informirala o problemu. Ja
se ne mogu oženiti s njom zbog moje osobne obiteljske
situacije, ali mogu preuzeti odgovornost i poduzeti
nešto. Ako se rodi djevojčica, prepisat ću joj 3
dućana, 2 udobna apartmana, vilu na plaži i bankovni
račun sa 500.000$. Ako se rodi dječak dobit će 2
tvornice uz 500.000$. Ako se rode blizanci svaki od
njih će dobiti tvornicu i 250.000$. A ako kojim
slučajem dođe do pobačaja..."
U tom trenutku otac koji je šutio cijelo vrijeme,
stavi ruku čovjeku na rame i kaže:
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Belive it!!!!!!! |
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Vjeko1980
Advanced Member
5651 Posts
Member since 24/08/2006 |
Posted - 02/07/2009 : 09:57:45
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quote:
Originally posted by Naruto
još jen vic:
18-godisnja djevojka se povjeri majci i kaže joj da
joj menstruacija kasni već dva mjeseca. Vrlo
zabrinuta majka odlazi u ljekarnu kupiti test za
trudnoću i rezultat pokazuje da je trudna. Viče,
proklinje, plače...kuku-lele!
- "Tko je ta svinja, želim znati! Smjesta reci ocu!"
Kad je napokon ostala sama, djevojka obavi telefonski
razgovor i pola sata kasnije nov-novcati Ferrari se
zaustavi ispred njihove kuće. Iz njega izlazi zreo
gospodin, obučen u vrlo skupo odijelo i ulazi u kuću.
Sjeda u dnevnom boravku s roditeljima i djevojkom i
kaže im:
- "Dobar dan, vaša me kći informirala o problemu. Ja
se ne mogu oženiti s njom zbog moje osobne obiteljske
situacije, ali mogu preuzeti odgovornost i poduzeti
nešto. Ako se rodi djevojčica, prepisat ću joj 3
dućana, 2 udobna apartmana, vilu na plaži i bankovni
račun sa 500.000$. Ako se rodi dječak dobit će 2
tvornice uz 500.000$. Ako se rode blizanci svaki od
njih će dobiti tvornicu i 250.000$. A ako kojim
slučajem dođe do pobačaja..."
U tom trenutku otac koji je šutio cijelo vrijeme,
stavi ruku čovjeku na rame i kaže:
JEBAĆEŠ JE OPET |
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King Warrior
stripovi.com suradnik
.jpg)
22368 Posts
Member since 10/11/2007 |
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Vjeko1980
Advanced Member
5651 Posts
Member since 24/08/2006 |
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lwood
Advanced Member
Colombia
47575 Posts
Member since 09/12/2005 |
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Vjeko1980
Advanced Member
5651 Posts
Member since 24/08/2006 |
Posted - 03/07/2009 : 09:31:27
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U sljedećem broju:
Medo napušta vodstvo šume bez objašnjenja i ostavlja divlju kokoš da riješi probleme :-)
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Edited by - Vjeko1980 on 03/07/2009 11:34:51 |
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Lord Vader89
stripovi.com suradnik
France
9618 Posts
Member since 05/07/2007 |
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Vjeko1980
Advanced Member
5651 Posts
Member since 24/08/2006 |
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Risar_69
Advanced Member
Slovenia
11679 Posts
Member since 05/05/2008 |
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Risar_69
Advanced Member
Slovenia
11679 Posts
Member since 05/05/2008 |
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Risar_69
Advanced Member
Slovenia
11679 Posts
Member since 05/05/2008 |
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Vjeko1980
Advanced Member
5651 Posts
Member since 24/08/2006 |
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lwood
Advanced Member
Colombia
47575 Posts
Member since 09/12/2005 |
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dcopic
stripovi.com suradnik
Croatia
6221 Posts
Member since 20/01/2005 |
Posted - 05/07/2009 : 21:35:18
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Dobio jedan policajac na poklon vazu - kao "policajac mjeseca". Dok
je nosio kući, on je okrenuo vazu naopako, a da nije ni primetio.
Stavlja on vazu pred ženu i kaže: - "Gledaj, ženo, što sam ti
donio!"
A ona mu odgovara: - "Pa što si mi donio, glupane. Nema otvora, gdje
da stavim cvijeće? 'Ajde, sad lijepo vrati ti to naredniku i traži
drugu..."
Ode policajac kod narednika i sav tužan mu kaže: - Što ste mi,
naredniče , dali nevaljalu vazu na poklon, žena me zamalo ubila. Ova
uopće
nema otvora gdje se stavlja cvijeće..."
Uzme to narednik da vidi, gleda - ne može da vjeruje: - "Stvarno
nema otvora!" izjavi on oštro.
Onda je pogleda odozdo i zabezeknut uzviknu: - "Pa nema ni dna,
jebote!"
*********
Pricaju dva pandura: - Gdje si rodjen ? - Kod kuce, a ti ? - Ja u
bolnici ! - Sto, sta ti je bilo ??
*********
Pandur zaustavlja pijanca i pita ga:Kuda ste se uputili u ovo doba
noci?
Pijanac: Na predavanje.
Pandur: Daj , pa ko sada predaje?
Pijanac: Moja zena
********
Rješava policajac križaljku i pod 2 okomito pročita 'vidi sliku' i
upiše 'Vidim'
********
Upao policajac u šaht, pogleda gore i reče: - Sva sreća što je
otvoren, inače ne bih mogao izaći.
********
Pala policajcu kapa s glave, nađe ju prolaznik i pozove policajca.
Policajac se okrene, a ovaj digne kapu u zrak i upita ga:
"Gospodine, je ovo vasa kapa?"
Kaže policajac: "Ne, nisam ja tako visok."
*********
Ulazi policajac u DUTY FREE SHOP i pita: - Du ju spik ingliš? - Yes!
- Marlboro!
********
Došli doktor i policajac na uviđaj nesreće gdje je bilo dosta
povrijeđenih, te ih doktor pregledava: -
Ovaj mrtav, ovaj mrtav, ovaj... Odjednom se jedan malo podigne i
kaže: - Eeeejjj, ja sam živ!!
Na to ga policajac odalami pendrekom po glavi: - Ma što ti znaš
bolje od doktora!
********
Došao policajac u slastičarnu i pita: - Kakvih imate kolača?
Prodavačica će njemu: - Imamo raznih oblika i veličina.
Na to će policajac: - Dajte mi dva oblika i tri veličine.
*********
Lovi policajac lopova i viče: - Stani, stani!
A ovaj će njemu: - Stani ti, tebe nitko ne lovi!
********
Našao crnac vozačku dozvolu na ime Leonardo di Kaprio i odlučio ju
zadržati.
Poslije nekog vremena, zaustavi ga policija zbog brze vožnje, a
pošto nije imao svoju vozačku dozvolu, pokaže onu koju je našao.
Gleda policajac dozvolu, pa gleda vozača, pa opet dozvolu i nešto mu
nije jasno.
Pozove šefa u stanicu: - Je li, šefe, da te pitam nešto, jel'
Titanik izgorio il' potonuo?
*******
Zašto naši policajci imaju osmerokutne kape? - Svaki kut za jedan
razred škole |
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William_Wallace
Advanced Member
.jpg)
Serbia
3173 Posts
Member since 25/04/2007 |
Posted - 06/07/2009 : 00:02:33
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Silovo Mujo neku zenu i zavrsio na sudu.
ONA:pribio me uz zid!
ON:laze.
ONA:skino me.
ON:laze.
ONA:izvadio je kurcinu od 30 cm.
ON:A sto jes jes!!! |
Every man dies,
not every man really lives. |
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panzer
Advanced Member
12775 Posts
Member since 18/05/2005 |
Posted - 07/07/2009 : 06:59:50
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A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a pooorno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a pooorno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group seeex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I'm only here to listen to the music."
"Yeah?" replied the man. "We're only here to see our dog."
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband: "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied: "All I wanted to do was to fu.....ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: "What are you thinking now?"
He replied: "It looks like I did a pretty good job."
The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top.
After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook.
Night falls...
First up - the SAS. They don infrared goggles, drop to the ground and crawl into the woods in formation. Absolute silence for 5 minutes, followed by the unmistakable muffled "phut-phut" of their trademark silenced "double-tap". They emerge with a large rabbit shot cleanly between the eyes.
"Excellent!" remarks the trainer.
Next up - the Para 's. They finish their cans of lager, smear themselves with camouflage cream, fix bayonets and charge down into the woods, screaming at the top of their lungs. For the next hour the woods ring with the sound of rifle and machine-gun fire, hand grenades, mortar bombs and blood curdling war cries. Eventually they emerge, carrying the charred remains of a rabbit.
"A bit messy, but you achieved the aim; well done", says the trainer.
Lastly, in go the Coppers, walking slowly, hands behind backs whistling Dixon of Dock Green. For the next few hours, the silence is only broken by the occasional crackle of a walkie-talkie "Sierra Lima Whisky Tango Fanta One, suspect headed straight for you..." etc. After what seems an eternity, they emerge escorting a squirrel in handcuffs.
"What the hell do you think you are doing?" asks the incredulous trainer, "Take this squirrel back and get me a rabbit like I asked you five hours ago!".
So back they go. Minutes pass. Minutes turn to hours, night drags on and turns to day. The next morning, the trainer and the other teams are awakened by the police, holding the handcuffed squirrel, now covered in bruises, one eye nearly shut.
"Are you taking the p*ss!!??" asks the now seriously irate trainer.
The police team leader nudges the squirrel, who squeaks: "Alright, alright... I'm a f*ckin' rabbit!"
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Ich bin kein Mensch, ich bin kein Tier, ich bin ein Panzer-Grenadier! |
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YNWA
Average Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
903 Posts
Member since 17/10/2002 |
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YNWA
Average Member
Bosnia and Herzegovina
903 Posts
Member since 17/10/2002 |
Posted - 07/07/2009 : 16:05:29
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Learn chinese in 5 minutes
(Must Read Out Loud)
1) That's not right - Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harbouring a fugitive - Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP - Kum Hia
4) Stupid Man - Dum Gai
5) Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped the coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni
8) I think you need a face lift - Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here - Wai So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet - Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone - No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week - WaiYu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight - Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile - Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive - Yu Stin Ki Pu
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dcopic
stripovi.com suradnik
Croatia
6221 Posts
Member since 20/01/2005 |
Posted - 07/07/2009 : 23:46:06
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ZA RAZMISLITI
1.STVORI BOG MAGARCA I REČE MU :
«Bit ćeš magarac, radit ćeš od zore do mraka,
teglit ćeš na svojim leđima sve što ti stave i živjet ćeš
30.godina.»
Magarac odgovori: «Neka bude volja tvoja Gospodine, ali
...30 godina je previše. Zar ne bi moglo biti 10.?» I usliša
Bog magarca i načini ga tako.
2.ZATIM STVORI BOG PSA I REČE MU :
«Bit ćeš pas, čuvati ćes kuću čovjekovu, jesti ćeš što ti stave,
i živjet ćeš 25.godina.»
Pas odgovori: «Neka bude volja tvoja Gospodine, ali
...25 godina je previše. Zar ne bi moglo biti 10.?» I usliša
Bog psa i načini ga tako.
3.ONDA STVORI BOG MAJMUNA I REČE MU :
«Bit ćeš majmun, skakat ćes sa stabla na stablo i činiti majmunarije za zabavu
svoje okoline i živjet ćeš 15.godina.»
Majmun odgovori: «Neka bude volja tvoja Gospodine, ali
...15 godina je previše. Zar ne bi moglo biti 5.?» I usliša
Bog majmuna i načini ga tako.
4.KONAČNO STVORI BOG MUŠKARCA I REČE MU :
«Bit ćeš čovjek, najinteligentnije stvorenje na Zemlji,gospodarit ćeš svijetom
i svime u njemu (osim ženom,to ti nikad neće uspijeti) i živjet ćeš 30.godina.»
muškarac odgovori: « Hvala ti i neka bude volja tvoja Gospodine, ali
...30godina je premalo. Zar mi ne bi moglo dati i onih 20 godina što
ih magarac neće,
15 što ih je odbio pas i 10 što ne htjede majmun?» I usliša
Bog muškarca i načini ga tako.
I tako muškarac živi 30 godina kao čovjek, zatim se oženi i živi 20
godina kao magarac,radeći od zore do mraka i tegleći na svojim leđima
teret obitelji. Potom ode u mirovinu i živi 15 godina poput psa,
čuvajući kuću i jedući što mu daju. I na kraju živi još 10 godina kao
majmun, skačući od stana do stana svoje djece i kreveljeći se da
zabavi unuke. |
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ned_lynx
Senior Member
2340 Posts
Member since 06/08/2005 |
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VICEVI !!!
